No Matter What
by BadGamer92
Summary: Set directly after the events of Kingdom Hearts 3. Kairi wants to leave Destiny Islands to search for her fallen friend. Only one problem: Riku won't let her go….


Kairi stood in front of the mysterious door, her mind made up. She would leave tonight and make things right. No matter what.

The musky cave painted a painful reminder of what had been, all those years ago. The cold emanating from the rocky walls, filled with forgotten children's drawings, a mirror of how that blazing friendship from not-that-long-ago had simmered to the cooling embers it was now.

How she wished to go back to those days, when her biggest concern was to build a raft to play as an adventurer with her two best friends.

Her two pillars.

The two boys that were the rocks that kept her feet on the ground, always looking after her just as she always looked after them.

They were two people who gave meaning to her youthful days. The ones that took away part of her soul when they left her behind to be heroes of their own stories. To confront and defeat their own demons. To live lives that didn't involve her anymore.

That was the main reason why she accepted Yen Sid's offer to train. She wanted to be a part of their lives again and share more moments together.

If only she had refused.

If only she had stayed in the islands, waiting for them to come back to her.

Now, because of her, Sora was no longer with them and Riku had grown to be a distant figure around her. A far cry from the boy that fought his best friend for her attention and used to be a flirt around her just to bug Sora.

A silent tear slipped past the barrier around her heart, as she mourned both; her fallen love and lost friend. Both losses felt like daggers to her core. Both as dear and important to her. There was no competition to be won.

Both of them were her everything to her, even if they were now the ghosts that came to haunt her with memories.

"What are you doing here?" Riku's voice cut through the fog and made Kairi jump, a low yelp escaping her lips.

Quickly wiping her tears, she turned to face her former best friend. The one whose loss made her so sad and empty. He was still physically there, but their friendship was pretty much gone, just as Sora was.

Her throat became tight at the thought, and she bit down her tears.

This wasn't the moment to show weakness.

Looking at him now, without the urgency of battle or the fear of death, she noticed how big and mature he looked. A true Keyblade Master, through and through.

Her heart soared with pride at the sight, just as it cried in grief at the abyss that now separated them.

How she wished to find solace in his embrace and share her fears with him, as she had done so many times in the past. He had always been excellent at listening to her and giving her advice. How she longed to cry for their lost friend together. To hear his grief and fears, so they could face their fears together and think of a way that would bring Sora back.

But he just stood there, strong as always. Not a hint of his true thoughts or feelings slipped his indifferent mask.

Kairi would never admit it, even to herself, but a small part of her had expected him to come looking for her that night. Just like he always used to do when they were children and he knew that she was sad. Riku would sneak into her bedroom through the window and keep her company until she fell asleep.

He brought her back from the memories as he slowly started walking towards her, not fazed by her silence. He advanced until she realized what he had done. He was standing between the door and herself.

He knew her too well. They hadn't been best friends for nothing.

Still waiting for her reply, he lazily leaned against the door and raised a single silver eyebrow.

"I'm going after him," Kairi said between her teeth, feeling small next to his knowing expression.

"How?" He calmly asked, like he was asking about the weather. Kairi's eyes searched his turquoise ones, with growing annoyance. "You just got here today," Riku added. "We should wait to talk to Master Yen Sid to-"

"I can't. This is my fault. And I plan to make it right," she said, squaring her shoulders.

"Kairi, this was no one but Xehanort's fault. I can't let you go." Riku's voice became soft, speaking to her as if she was a small frightened animal, and he was scared he would spook her.

"Why?" she asked, clenching her fists. "You let him go after me. You let him risk his life to save me." Kairi was the one saying the words, knowing well that they would hurt him, but she couldn't stop them from passing her lips.

His eyes were casted downward, the slight drop of his shoulders the only indication that she had hit a nerve. His silence doing nothing to placate her overgrowing frustration and anger. At him. At herself. At Sora.

At how unfair it all was.

"Why did I had to be taken again?" She finally screamed. Her sudden outburst caught him off guard and his wide eyes finally met hers. The tears started flowing in a steady stream down her cheeks, as she frantically continued her shouting. "After all my training and effort? Finally, I was trying to hold my own!"

"Kairi, you did! You tried your best-" Riku tried to speak, but Kairi had snapped.

"Why?" Kairi screamed again, her anger unmatched by any feeling she had experienced in her life.

Riku was at a loss of words.

"Why would you support his stupid self-sacrificing decision?! He's always been naive and kind of clueless." Riku opened his mouth to speak, but she bulldozed through, "You are supposed to be the smart one. So tell me, why you let him do something so unbelievably stupid!"

Riku stared dumb folded at her, his mouth opening and closing, no words coming out.

"I can't bear the thought of losing him, all because of me." She whispered, sounding miserable.

"I do regret it." Riku finally said after a while.

Hurt. She knew he had to regret letting Sora go and sacrifice himself for her, but knowing it to be true was the like a blow right into her stomach. She felt breathless and nauseous.

But even if she hurts so much, she agrees with him. Closing her eyes, she tries to will them to dry, but the tears keep falling.

"I regret many things," he continued. "I regret not assimilating it the moment it happened." He suddenly said, his voice softer than she ever heard it.

"What are you talk-"

"It all seemed so surreal. I didn't think you were really gone. That you had been-" he chocked, and Kairi's eyes searched his face, horrified to see the raw agony reflected in his usually poised face. "in front of my own eyes."

"Stop it, you don't need to say mo-" she begged, but he wasn't listening anymore.

"I regret so much," he sobbed, as thick tears ran down his beautiful face. "I regret not feeling Sora's urgency to save you after just having beat Master Xehanort. The relief and adrenaline clouded my judgement and shielded me from the pain."

"Shut up Riku! Stop," she closed her eyes, trying to erase the sight of her best friend breaking down in front of her.

Because of her. Because of him. It all hurt so much. They were hurting themselves and hurting each other so much.

"And I let him go. Yes, I regret that the most." His voice died down after those words. He silently let the tears run their course, while Kairi felt like dying all over again. This was on her. She was the reason he was suffering so. And he regretted that Sora died instead of her.

Barely able to breathe, through the compressing of her chest, throat and heart, she said, "I see," while trying to conceal the hurt in her voice. There it was. No more needed to be said.

"I regret sending him alone. I regret not going myself and making sure both of you came back safe. I hated myself for it. The night I came back I cried myself to sleep." He resumed saying after he wiped his face.

"What?" Kairi whispered in disbelief. Riku, who never liked to admit his weakness was here, vein open and bleeding freely in front of her, letting all his doubts and shame out for her.

"And I cried myself to sleep all the following nights, until I forgot about what it felt to have peace in the darkness of my own bedroom."

"Riku!" She ran and wrapped her arms around him as much as she could.

Riku was hurting so much and here she was feeling sorry for herself, when he needed her the most.

How had she been so blind and selfish?

This was important to him, so she would let him finish what he had to say. She owed him as much.

"The wait was tortuous, even if it was only a week." He admitted, wrapping his arms around her small frame and squeezing her to him. "It was so painful to me and clearly evident to everyone else, in fact, that the other Keyblade wielders took great strides in trying to cheer me up."

Kairi slightly tightened her hold on him, face nestled against his chest, giving him courage to continue speaking.

"They made beach gather-ups to distract me, but I also think they did it to distract themselves from thinking too much and worrying about you two. We never talked about it, but it was an unspoken sentiment between us all."

Kairi lost track of time of how long they stayed locked in the embrace, tears drying out and the only sounds around them being their breaths and heartbeats.

"I'm sorry for lashing out at you." Kairi said, against his solid chest.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you since you came back. I felt to guilty and ashamed." Riku confessed into her hair.

"You didn't need to be," she tried to reassure him.

"I did. But I'm happy we could talk about what really was in our minds. I had forgotten how loud you screamed when you got mad really," he softly teased. Kairi laughed and gave him a light shake for his trouble.

"This is the first time I've seen you cry like this," she said in wonder looking up into his face.

"I would only allow myself to be like this with you or Sora," he vowed with a smile.

"We wouldn't have it any other way."

They smiled and kept holding at each other in silence. After a while, Riku let out a low laugh as he confessed:

"I was on my way to your house when I saw you go to the beach and come here, you know."

"Stalker," she teased, as warmth filled her entire being. He still cared about her! Maybe she hadn't really lost her best friend.

She squeezed him at the thought and felt like maybe everything would be alright after all. But as the thought came to her, she remembered why she was in the cave.

"Then you know that I need to go find him."

"I know you do."

"So, will you let me pass, without being a bother?" she said with hope, feeling confident after what she just shared with Riku.

"No. I'm sorry."

"What?" Kairi disentangles herself from her friend and takes a step back.

"I can't let you do that. I won't lose you again."

"I've trained. It may have not been up to the level of the Organization, Xemnas or Xehanort, but I know how to fight and stand for myself now. You won't lose me," she said with desperation, disbelief in her eyes at Riku's refusal.

"I won't take any chances," he replied, his voice hash.

"It's not for you to decide," Kairi barks back, angrier by the minute, "I may not be as experienced as the others are, but I can hold my own now."

"Kairi-" Riku raises his hands to reach out for her but before he can, she doges him.

"Move out of my way, Riku," she warns as she summons her Keyblade, the tip scraping a few inches over the paopu drawing. She didn't want to fight, she knew Riku would beat her ass in a second, but she did so as a warning, meaning that she would go to find Sora, even if it meant going through him.

Even if the thought shattered her already damaged heart.

Riku drops his hands and firmly shakes his head from left to right, looking at the ground.

"Riku," she warned again.

Would she do it? Would she be able to make the first move, knowing it could hurt him? Even for Sora?

As she gathered some courage and took a step forward, he looked into her eyes and said, "So be it."

He summoned his own weapon and they stare at each other for the longest seconds.

How? Her mind screamed.

How did it turn up like this?

After she had thought that maybe the abyss between them was only a figment of her tortured imagination, they had to come down to physical violence.

Kairi was about to try to shove him aside, she really was, when Riku turned around and aimed his Keyblade towards the door.

"I can't let you go alone. So I'm going with you. Together, we will find him."

Kairi just stood there in awe, silently watching him, not quite processing what he was saying. When she didn't answer, he turned to face her again with a warm smile.

"First we will visit a couple of different worlds to see if they need help and if we can find any information to help us on our journey to find him. We'll see where it takes us, and make the decisions as we go. What do you say? Ready to see new worlds and leave these old islands behind?" he said with a smirk, as he holds out his hand to her.

Her eyes tear up, not believing what was happening. She had thought that this journey would be another lonely one, but now she was about to start her own adventure with her best friend by her side. Both joining forces to find his best friend and her true love.

"It will be dangerous," she softly reminded him, keyblade disappearing from her grip.

"I know."

"You could get hurt."

"True," he laughed.

"And I will have the chore to protect you, because you clearly can't stay out of trouble."

"Sure thing," Riku said, ruffling her copper hair.

"But we will bring him back home," she said with hope and longing.

"No matter what," he smiled tenderly as he offered her his hand.

"No matter what," Kairi said with conviction, firmly grabbing his hand, ready to take a leap.

…

Writing this served as a balm to soothe my need for a better Destiny Trio dynamic and a real Rikai focused friendship.

I would be lying if I said I didn't cry writing this.

Please let me know what you think :)


End file.
